I was having a conversation with Ate Ruth Dignadice about counseling, relationships, young people, etc. The tête-à-tête led to her mentioning how young men idealize finding a “Proverbs 31” wife – a.k.a. “The Wife of Noble Character.” But shouldn’t that be the case, you ask? As Ate Ruth pointed out, if you read the whole chapter again the “Proverb’s 31 Wife” had a husband, children, home and business. In short, she wasn’t young and single; she was a mature, married woman.
That was when I made the observation that young women fantasize about finding a Prince Charming like Boaz. Boaz was an old, unmarried man as well. For whatever reason (he was physically undesirable, girls rejected his offers, what have you) he was, as Ate Ruth put it, “the old, single guy that the family approached when they needed money.” He was rich, or at least well-to-do, had a business and no family to provide for. In fact, when Ruth approached him with her (Naomi’s, rather) proposition, this is what Boaz said after he discovered her lying at his feet; “The Lord bless you, my daughter… this kindness is greater than that which you showed earlier, for you have not run after the younger men, whether rich or poor,” Ruth 3:10 (NIV). First of all, he was old enough to call Ruth “daughter,” and he considered her act a “kindness” for not running after younger men. Therefore, at one time in his life he must have been trying to find a wife, then he must have given up.
So what’s your point?
My point: sometimes our expectations when looking for our future life partners are a bit unrealistic. Disney did that for us. Young women fantasize about a knight in shining armor or a prince charming on a white horse sweeping her off her feet, when perhaps he’s the unassuming guy with the unremarkable features. Men, I’m not sure exactly what the men look for. My textbooks have stated men are more inclined to go for women with aesthetically pleasing features. That’s really what it said! - Ok, ok, ok! Maybe they are also looking to capture the heart of a woman with noble character. After all, we are only searching for God’s best for us, aren’t we?But God’s best doesn’t necessary come “ready-made.” Most of the time, they come in a model kit, with pieces that He has yet to put together, with your help. To use another saying, “God’s not finished with me yet.” If He isn’t finished with us yet, then why do we expect that of our future life partners? Lowering our expectations does not mean settling. It simply means being more realistic; nailing down the essentials and non-negotiables, then making compromises with the rest. What are those essentials? That you share the same faith, beliefs and values; that you both have an undeniable love for God, the desire to serve Him and raise your children to become Godly; that your goals, while not completely identical do not clash with each others. There’s no such thing as perfectly compatible people. From what I have seen, many successful couples are the most incompatible people – humanly speaking. They don’t necessarily share the same interests, but they’re willing to at least be attentive to one another.
We, none of us, are finished products. The Wife of Noble Character and Boaz were not made; they were the results of life experience. Just imagine, when you are looking for your future spouse, you get to become a part of the process of them being the husband or wife that God wants them to be – maybe even surpassing those two. So when looking for your mate, look for the one with the potential to become either one of these two and help them, support them, in becoming all that God has created them to be. God's best for you is a work in progress - as are you.
